Six Months In | A Letter to Myself

Dear Ellie,

You're six months into living in Tulsa. Halfway through your first year. 

Ellie Be

While it's a bit scary how fast time as flown by, it's unreal to think about how for the past five years, you've wanted to be in Oklahoma (ya weirdo) and now you're here. It is comforting to think back over the last six months and see the moments that make them up, moments of stillness, crazy, love, fear, success, failure, joy, sadness. For some reason, these past six months have been more distinctly "moment-oriented" than a lot of your life. 

There's the moment that you sat outside of the leasing office, holding the keys to your new apartment. (Surreal doesn't begin to describe those feelings.) There's the moment that you sat down on your couch (okay, futon) with your first dinner in the apartment. There's the moment you were crying on your floor because it all seemed like too much. And then there's the moment the barista at your local coffee shop said you were a regular and your heart felt like you could belong in a place. 

There are other moments, big and small. Quiet mornings with coffee in bed, laughing with friends, sitting at Sonic working on the month's budget... they're all beautiful in their own way. Even in the brokenness, they are beautiful. What a gift it is to have moments to hold on to in a world that seems to never stop moving. 

You've learned where the best tacos are (got on that REAL quick), where to take people for coffee (and where to avoid), how to budget on an ever-changing income, that you really don't mind eating sweet potatoes every day, giving grace is truly better than spewing anger, and taking time to rest is vitally important for your sanity. You've learned that your smoke alarm is too dang sensitive, there are people in this world that show up every day, and God is in every moment whether or not you see Him there.

He is in every moment -- that's the thing that weaves them all together into one long strand. These moments stand apart in your mind and yet, they are tied together. Over the past six months, He has shown Himself in ways you could have never imagined. And that will never change, even when you move on from your little studio apartment. Keep looking for Him in the moments. Keep taking note of them. Don't miss one. 

When the finances are tight, when you feel like you're still trying to build community, when the days seem long and hard, grab on to hope and don't let go. Stand firm in what you know to be true. 

Here's to the next six months of moments, of learning, of growing, and of blowing out candles in the bathroom so that the smoke alarm doesn't freak out. #blessed.

Love, Me.